Originally published January 26, 2026
Potty training* is often treated as a skill or a behavior, but for many children, toilet resistance or “regression” is rooted in the body not feeling safe enough to let go. This article explores potty learning through a body-based, interoception-informed lens focusing on safety, sensory experiences, pain, and understanding what’s happening inside the body.
When it comes to potty training*, many families share similar experiences:
“My child knows what to do, they just won’t do it.”
“They were doing fine… and now they’re not.”
“They seem capable, but they resist the toilet.”
It’s understandable to assume that potty learning is primarily a skill-based process. Learn the steps. Practice the routine. Get rewarded. Stay consistent.
But potty learning is not just about learning how to use the toilet.
Potty learning is a nervous system event.
Letting pee or poop leave the body requires a certain degree of relaxation, safety, and internal coordination. When the body does not feel safe enough, it may protect itself through holding, avoiding, rushing, or resisting. These responses are not willful misbehavior. They are protective, body-based strategies.
This perspective opens a very different set of questions about readiness, support, and what children may actually need to be successful.
*We use the term potty training for familiarity, and also use potty learning to reflect what actually needs to happen: a child-led, body-based process of building awareness of and trust in their own body signals.
Potty Training Is Not Just a Skill, It’s a Nervous System Event
Using the toilet involves much more than understanding instructions or following steps.
The nervous system must be in a state that allows muscles to relax.
The body must experience tolerable internal sensations.
The environment must feel safe enough.
When a child is in a state of protection (fight, flight, freeze), the body prioritizes survival, not elimination.
From this lens, potty learning is less about “teaching compliance” and more about supporting the conditions that allow the body to feel safe enough to release.
What Does It Mean for the Body to Feel Safe?
When we talk about the body feeling safe for potty learning, we’re talking about whether the body feels safe enough to:
notice what it’s feeling,
make sense of those feelings, and
let go of pee or poop.
In practical terms, a body that feels safe may experience things like:
“I don’t hurt when I pee or poop.”
“The bathroom doesn’t feel overwhelming.”
“I kind of understand what this pressure or belly feeling means.”
When these conditions are present, potty signals are often easier to notice and respond to.
When they’re not, the body may shift into protection by doing things to avoid internal discomfort holding, avoiding, or resisting.
None of this is purposeful.
Many children want to use the toilet, but their body is working hard to protect them from discomfort or threat.
This is why it’s so important to consider the child’s internal or interoceptive state and look for ways to help their body feel as safe as possible.
This is what we mean by interoceptive safety.
To learn even more about interoception, the sense of how our body feels and how it shows up in so many ways when it comes to toileting, read more here: https://www.kelly-mahler.com/what-is-interoception/interoception-and-toileting/
Three Common Reasons the Body May Not Feel Safe Enough to Use the Toilet
There are many factors that can influence toileting. Below are three body-based patterns that often play a significant role.
Reason 1- Pain or Physical Discomfort
If peeing or pooping hurts, the body learns quickly:
Toilet = danger.
Pain may come from constipation, hard stools, urinary tract irritation, straining, or other medical factors. Even a short history of painful elimination can shape future body expectations.
From an interoception perspective, pain becomes part of the internal message. The body may respond by tightening, holding, or avoiding sensations connected to the toilet.
These responses are not stubbornness.
They are protective.
When pain is suspected, it is important to explore medical and pelvic health support alongside body-based approaches. Supporting potty learning without addressing pain is like trying to build on an unstable foundation.
Reason 2 — Sensory Overload in the Bathroom
Let’s face it. Bathrooms can be intense sensory environments.
Loud and unpredictable flushing
Echoes
Bright or flickering lights
Cold seats
Strong smells
Hand dryers
Feet dangling
Scratchy toilet paper
When sensory input feels like too much, the nervous system may shift into protection mode. In protection mode, coordinating the body becomes much harder: From even approaching the bathroom, to tolerating sitting, to relaxing muscles, to tuning into internal signals that help the body know when pee or poop is coming, when emptying is finished, or when more wiping is needed.
Small environmental shifts (such as foot stool support, predictable flushing routines, softer lighting, or reducing smells) can be ways of offering the body more safety cues.
Reason 3 — Not Understanding What the Body Is Feeling or Doing
Another important layer of safety is predictability.
When a child does not understand what is happening inside their body, internal sensations can feel mysterious, intense, or alarming. They may wonder: What is this feeling? What is this stuff coming out of me? Where does it come from? Why does it smell? Is this normal? What is my body doing right now?
Understanding builds predictability.
Predictability supports safety.
Some bodies feel pressure before peeing.
Some feel warmth.
Some feel wiggly.
Some notice very little until the last moment.
There is no single “right” way to feel a potty signal.
Rather than teaching children what they should feel, we can invite gentle exploration of both sensations and body processes:
“I wonder what your body feels like before pee comes.”
Simple visuals, books, drawings, or play-based explanations about how pee and poop are made and how they leave the body can also help make the process feel more understandable and less scary.
Over time, this supports children in building their own personal body signal dictionary and a basic understanding of how their body moves pee and poop out.
Is This Potty Training Regression?
Many families describe what they are seeing as potty training regression.
Sometimes a child who was previously using the toilet (or at least showing interest) begins having accidents, resisting, or avoiding again.
From a body-based lens, this does not always mean a skill was lost.
Sometimes what looks like regression is the body signaling that something has changed.
Pain
Illness
Constipation
Stress
Environmental changes
Increased sensory load
Decreased predictability
Any of these can disrupt access to previously available skills.
Regression does not necessarily mean failure.
Regression does not necessarily mean the child “forgot.”
Often, regression reflects a shift in safety.
When safety shifts, skills may become harder to access, even though they still exist.
Shifting the Question
Instead of asking:
How do I get my child to go?
We can begin asking:
What does their body need to feel safe enough to go?
This shift moves us away from control and toward curiosity.
It invites us to look beneath surface behavior and listen to what the body may be communicating.
Learning More About Building Potty Readiness from the Inside Out
If you’d like to continue exploring toileting through a neuro-affirming, body-based, interoception-informed lens, there are two supportive places to go next.
Toileting 2.0: A Neuro-Affirming, Interoception-Informed Approach to Building Readiness from the Inside Out
This course dives deeper into the concepts shared here, weaving together interoception, nervous system function, sensory experiences, pelvic health, trauma-aware care, and child collaboration to support potty learning in ways that honor each child’s body and timeline.
Interoception, Toileting, and Potty Training: Understanding Inner Body Signals
This blog focuses specifically on how noticing, meaning-making, and responding to internal body signals support potty learning over time
The noticing, meaning-making, and responding described throughout this article are all part of interoception, the body’s system for sensing and understanding internal signals.
Until next time, Kelly.
